Went on that aforementioned 'obligatory cultural trip' at the weekend. We were told to write a two-page essay about the trip, with the best ones getting published in some book at the end of the year. This is my effort, churned out in a couple of hours earlier on. I hope they like it. I've tried to keep the invective to a minimum.On the first weekend of November, I went on a Guest English Teacher’s trip to Jeolla province, on the Western side of South Korea, courtesy of EPIK. It was the first trip of its kind that I had attended; I had been to a co-teaching seminar in Gyeongju in May, but never a trip designed specifically for ‘culture’ and socializing. At first, I had my reservations about going. The trip would give me a Friday off work, but would also take a Saturday out of my weekend. I’m something of a free spirit; I will work diligently from Monday to Friday, but come the weekend or holidays, I’m not a huge fan of being told what to do or where to be. The previous weekend, I was hauled from my comfortable bed at nine o’clock on a Saturday morning to judge an English speech contest, so I wasn’t too enthusiastic about the prospect of a second week in a row of extra-curricular GET duties. Besides, I had already travelled quite extensively within Korea from my midlands home of Sangju.
Nevertheless, I approached the trip with an open mind. Jeolla was the only province I hadn’t already been to. My main co-teacher, ‘Patrick’ was accompanying me on the trip, and I was happy for that fact – his home town is Gunsan, and he was eager to show off his old stomping ground. It would also alleviate the need to organise my own transportation between Sangju and Daegu, where the buses were departing for the West. So, on Friday morning, I travelled to Daegu with Patrick and my American colleague, Lori. When we arrived at the office of education, I ran into a number of familiar faces from my March orientation group, including friends from the USA, South Africa and Northern Ireland, so my mood was quickly lifted. The ever-pleasant Mona Shin directed us towards our buses, and we set off for the Wild West.
I spent much of the journey catching up with sleep; I was up before dawn, so despite the bolt-upright bus seats, it was relatively easy to nod off. When we eventually arrived in Jeonju, we found that the Hite brewery tour was cancelled, due to an inspection. This was slightly disappointing, as I was half-expecting it to be like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, complete with Oompa-Loompas, beer fountains, rollercoasters and bottomless stein-mugs of the wonderful lager that is Hite. But we were to be denied. Now I’ll never truly know how much formaldehyde and other toxins they actually put in their crippling hangover-inducing, liver-rupturing death juice.
After a brief trip to a museum, we had some ‘special’ Jeonju bibimbap in a restaurant. Lets be honest, it tasted exactly the same as normal bibimbap. There’s only so much you can do with rice, red-pepper paste, egg and stringy vegetables. Still, it filled a hole, and after that, we went to the Hanok traditional village. After a short but impressive Pansori performance, which reminded me slightly of Mongolian throat-singing, we descended into the village. I saw an exhibition of traditional rice-cake making, and was offered free samples. Now, a few weeks previously, I had eaten some kind of flavoured rice-cake mixture which induced near-immediate vomitus, so I was rather reluctant to partake in the finished product. Rice-cake is one of those traditional Korean foods – along with the horrifying silkworm cocoons – that do not agree with my Irish palate. I’ll try anything once, but will not promise that I’ll enjoy it. Rice cake tastes of absolutely nothing, and the texture is akin to that of ectoplasm. So, not to deviate too far from the narrative, I joined some buddies from Mungyeong over a few nice bottles of Maekkoli. The afternoon sun shone down mildly upon us, as we feasted upon the sweet, creamy goodness, and chatted the hours away.

After that, we sped off to our restaurant, where bottles of soju were devoured in admirable quantities. I was quite merry after a few glasses, and we got back on our buses in high spirits. To our delight, the novelty of ‘Norae-bus’ was fully operational for the hour-long trip to Gunsan. I did a wonderful duet with Max Irvine, the Beatles
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds being our object of butchery. After we hit the hotel, more bottles of soju were consumed in one of the rooms, and a happy set of warriors hit the sack. I somehow managed to misplace my shirt and name-tag, but reclaimed them from a fellow reveller in the morning.

Despite a raging hangover and minimal sleep, I got on the bus in plenty of time, and at around 9 o’clock, we set off to see the very impressive, Netherlands-esque, land-reclamation project near Gunsan. After that, we set off on the road east, back through Jeonju. I fell asleep for a little while, and the next thing I knew, we were at a monastery of some sort. Now, again at the risk of sounding like a cultureless thug, our visit to this temple reaffirmed my sneaking suspicion that all Korean temples – however impressive – all look exactly the same. I bought a nice necklace with a Buddha pendant in one of the gift shops, though.
Onwards we went, after our Lotteria lunch, to Maisan National Park, with the distinctive ‘horse’s ears’ rock formations. Walking up the main path, I almost gagged on the pungent, wafting aroma of boiled silkworm. I rejoined my co-teacher for the walk, and, as we walked past a stone Buddha, we wondered aloud if the great man was fond of a sup of soju in his day. At that very moment, a large branch fell from an overhead tree and crashed to the ground no more than two feet from me. It would have caused considerable injury had I been walking one pace to my left. It seems like the great Buddha has learned something from the Abrahamic Gods about the concept of wrath.
So, that was the last landmark of our trip to Jeolla. We made our way back to the bus and sped towards Daegu, another two hours away. I retreated into the comfort of my I-pod for the remainder of the journey, and once we reached our destination, the waegook chingus bade each other farewell. I’ve just realised that I have to fill another few paragraphs, so I’ll regale you with the story of my journey home.
My travelling companion had to get back to Sangju bus terminal before 8:30 for his trip to Seoul, and he had an hour to spare when we left the office of education. Given that it’s a journey of roughly seventy minutes, he was in quite a hurry. We ran into heavy traffic outside of Daegu, and once that was negotiated, he put the foot down. After narrowly escaping death on several occasions, we got to the outskirts of Sangju with ten minutes to spare. I’ve never seen such imagination and cunning in the defiance of red lights in all my years as a passenger, and we were both in a fit of giggles when we got into town. We reached the bus terminal just in time to see the Seoul bus pulling away, much to my friend's despair. It was a fun ride, though, and I was happy to get home earlier than expected. So I went back to my apartment, made a tomato and mushroom omelette, watched a bit of EPL football, watched the Irish rugby team’s pathetic defeat to South Africa, and drifted into a welcome twelve-hour sleep.
So, what did I learn from my experience? Well, I learned that I can add
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds to my noraebang repertoire. I learned that bibimbap and temples are not terribly different across the Gyeongbuk/Jeolla divide. I learned about Pansori singing and Korean sea-land reclamation. I also learned how to dodge a Korean red light if you’re in a hurry. And I made a few new friends and got drunk in a new province. All in all, it was a worthwhile experience.